Sebenarnya

I actually wanna tell a story about how I met a giant whale shark on my diving trip a few weeks back...
But I couldn't finish it...
That's all I wanna say today...
I don't feel excited about anything anymore; it's slowly gone and all I'm waiting for is for the weekend...

😪

Emm yeah...

So aku baru balik dari langkawi, bercuti, kat sana...
That was the first time I went to Langkawi for a holiday...
Sebelum ni aku pergi sana sebab kerja...
And to be honest, ni first time aku tau Langkawi lagi besar dari yang aku rasa aku (dah) tau...
Sebelum ni macam pernah aku berjalan memalam dengan contractor aku bawa kereta satu langkawi, aku ingat dia dah bawa pusing satu pulau tu.. Rupanya besar lagi hahahaha! Thank you tunjuk kat I..

It was a very relaxed, enjoyed, fun and iconic (Haha!) trip...
I love it, I wanna do it again... Seriously sebelum ni tak pernah seronok macam ni... Pergi Langkawi...,
The place was romantic, cantik gila, seronok, and macam macam lah...
And the way we enjoyed the time... It was freaking nice! I couldn't asked for more..

I really looking forward for our next journey...
There's one plan I'm excited which involve beach and boat and sea and equipment and us and a ferry and a car and drive and this and that and you and me and books and pictures and bla bla bla... Lol

Oh and I turned 31st last month...
I wanna write about how we celebrated it because it was so fun and there's surprises for me... Hahaha, but nanti lah I post...
So yeah, I'm a year older now... But I don't care... Lol

I'll just share some Langkawi photos here, sorry malas nak susun

 

August 2021

It's been a while since my last post.
So here goes...
It's August again...
There's nothing much that I'm looking forward to this month. Except for the public holiday which I could just stay home doing nothing...
Only just a few things happened last year...
On the 2nd of the same month last year, I went to see this one person.
And fast forward this year, I'm still seeing the same person...
Though there's a story behind everything, I am so happy at the moment.

Anyway, have you ever like someone but it took you time to realize what about that person you like...
There are so many things you could like that person for... I've fallen for this one person just because of the pickup line... And trust me usually, I'm the one giving a pickup line, but not this time...
Or it was an accidental pickup line, I don't know, but I'm glad if it was...
And I'm the type that can get annoyed just like that, but this time I'm scared if I'm the one that bore that person...
I keep thinking if this is too soon like this is the first time I'm doing it, lol, but it feels so right...
I don't want to keep my hope so high, and I will just play along but not just go with the flow...

And next time if that person asking me, "why do you like me" or something similar, I know how to answer that...

Covid messed things up... From individual to global...
The virus mutation scared the shit out of me... The death toll is getting higher day by day...
And people might forget how to socialize the way we did in the pre covid times...
I'm kind of less interested in traveling back then... But I want to do it now... I want to see the world...
I want to learn new things... I want to live my life... Especially now...
Especially now I have someone special with me...

I thought I ain't gonna post this...

Does relationship important?
Friendship, yes
Family, yes
How about a relationship with a partner?
The younger me might think it's not that important...
But now... It feels like I'm wasting my time if I'm not taking this seriously, and I'm taking it seriously now...
And it's not easy with this one...
Do I like the challenge, or do I like the person?
Or both?
I told myself that I need to focus on myself 3 years back...
And I focused on myself for the last 3 years, and I'm ready to give my attention to another person which I wanna call a partner or a lover...
But what if the other person doesn't feel the same?
What if the other person just needs someone around and will leave me when done with me?

I know I couldn't control all this shit, and I should just go with the flow...
But for me go with the flow are for losers... They said that because they don't know what exactly they want in life or at least in whatever we're talking about, like a relationship...
I am an overthinking person... I admit that...
I couldn't sleep properly sometimes...
I'm ready to let go of everything for that person...
I don't wanna be the person I used to be anymore...
I know I sound desperate... But if you want me like the way I want you...
Will you do the same?

I'm so tired of all this shit...
This is my last attempt... I wouldn't do this shit again if I failed this...
I will put everything I can... PENAT LAHHH

The Queen Gambit

Lol... I just started watching the series because I don't know anymore what should I watch...
So it's been like 4th episode, and it's her first lost...
From the series, I could see that she doesn't like to fail...
I mean, who likes to lose... In anything...
And she cannot take it and took it to her mother...
Which I think we did it too to people around us...

And her mother...
Gosh... Even though she's not her birth mother, but...
She's so understanding... I mean up to this episode... I don't know what will happen next...
But I like her mother... How her mother controls things though it's something that she should proud of...
I don't know; I'm just talking nonsense here...
We'll see how the rest of the series goes...

So it's Monday again, and I had a fever...
It was so stupid... I mean, I know I'm stupid, but I didn't know that I'm somewhat stupid to that extend!!!
Okay, so I first sunbathed myself by the pool... And then went into the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi...
And I went back by the pool and fell asleep...
Then I came home and felt restless, and my body felt uncomfortable, and you know when you get a fever...
So I took pills and went to bed early...
And I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed...
I've got m apatite back and had breakfast...
But suddenly, in the afternoon, I felt sick again, and it was freezing like I'm in the North Pole and need to wrap myself under the blanket all the time...

 

Update: I finished The Queen Gambit yesterday night, and I finished Netflix Mini-Series Unorthodox

 

WandaVision

So aku baru habis tengok last episode of WandaVision...
Storyline series ni macam biasa la awal awal episode started very slow...
But it's getting better along the way... Sampai espisode 5 keatas kot...

But...

I'm telling you.. The season finale was very emotional.. At least for me...
So, Wanda was very sad because she lost Vision...
Her sadness awaken her power and created an imaginary world of hers...
Dia terlampau lah power dan sedih sebab Vision dah "mati" so she grieved Vision death by creating an imaginary world... Faham tak?
This is my point of view of the series... I think...
Wanda terlalu sedih... Tersangatlah sedih sampai dia "ter" create "dunia" dia... Dan dalam "dunia" tu ada Vision...
So whatever she wanted in her life was there.. In her world...
She's the most powerful mutant in Marvel anyway, she could create another world if she wanted...

Anyway... What I'm trying to say here is about her sadness and how she grieved and how she handle it...
Semua orang dalam dunia ni pernah rasa sedih... Tipu lah kalau cakap tak pernah... Dalam hidup mesti pernah rasa sedih even sekali...
Tak kira lah apa-apa sebab yang berlaku yang menyebabkan orang tu sedih..

Kalau korang tengok series WandaVision yang last episode tu (spoiler...) dia finally terpaksa lepaskan "dunia" yang dia buat tu... Sebab ramai orang yang terkesan dengan "dunia" yang dia buat...

Nak kaitkan dengan hidup kita ni... Kita pun kadang kadang macam tu kan...
Kita sedih sangat sebab sesuatu yang berlaku dalam hidup kita dan kita meratap kejadian tu... Atau susah nak lepaskan or move on...
Tapi lambat laun kita kena lepaskan juga...
Because life is more than that... Life must go on... Ke the show must go on?? Lol
Yeah maybe it will take time to let go of something but at the end of the day... You need to let it go...

Macam dalam series WandaVision, those affected by her magic look at her like she's a villain but it was not her intention...
She lost control of her powers and created the dimension by not in purpose...
Sama macam hidup kita ni... Bila kita ada masalah and kita tertarik sekali orang sekeliling kita...
Only those who try to understand will stay with you and go through the hardship together... Willingly without you need to ask or beg...

Rasa macam aku merepek tapi whatever... This is what I think... There's a lot of movies and series that actually reflected our lives...
Try decode the messages and apply to your own life...

Aku tak tau la kenapa.. Hari ni aku rasa macam tak betul sikit... Lol anyway,
Everything just temporary and it will be gone very soon... So I will live my life the way I wanted...
No more regrets but only lesson learned... If people wanna stay, they can stay but if they wanna leave, who am I to stop them from leaving...
I'll just let it happen...