I'm about to reach 30's

I'm not sure what is happening to me..
I'm not so happy right now.. But I couldn't figure it out why
I'm trying so hard to be fine forget about those left me..
I wanna be better but when I thought I'm on the right track suddenly I feel like I am not in right place..
I'm about to be in 30's but I haven't achieved so much.. I wish I could be just like a normal person..
I've tried so hard I wanna give up..
Again.. I wish I could turn back time...
I'm still looking my purpose and why am I here..

It's 2019

Happy new year guys!!
I couldn't believe it we're here..
It'll be my last year being 20's..
Hah!
Macam tak percaya yang aku ni seorang dewasa..
Lol.
Aku rasa aku macam perangai budak lagi and tak bersedia nak ke alam dewasa..

Aku macam selalu terkenang masa memuda dulu..
I mean masa sekolah.. Masa budak budak lagi..
Kumpul duit nak pergi cc main game berjam jam..
Tak penat lagi balik dari cc main bola pula kat padang..
Hahaha..
Nak banding dengan sekarang.. Buat activity sikit dah penat kemain..
Lol
Dulu nak ajak member pergi cc main game or main bola senang je..
Pergi rumah member tu, bagi salam..
Terus onnnzzz..
Gigih jalan tengah panas pun..
Nasib baik kat cc sejuk..

But everyhting has changed..
Nak ajak bukan selalu boleh..
Selalunya tak boleh.. Haha..
Sebab dorang dah ada the other half memasing..
And mini them..
Maksud aku anak bini ngan laki memasing la..
Lol
Sometimes aku jealous la tengok dorang ada keluarga sendiri..
Siapa tak jealous kan..
Tapi aku kena sedar diri..
Aku tak mampu lagi nak jadi macam dorang tu..
Aku tak rasa aku boleh jadi penyabar dengan karenah anak bini..
So better aku layan karenah kucing je buat masa ni..




Lol
The draft last saved was on January 2019..
Sekarang baru buka nak post.. Nak dekat setengah bulan puasa dah..
Guess what, aku punya berat dah turun sikit.. 
Dari 85 (early year) to 83 (on March till May) and now I'm 79KG..
Which is my goal weight..
I wanna stay this weight untill I turned 30 next year..
So next year boleh jadi daddy sebab dah 30...
Lol joking..

Anyway, selamat berpuasa semua..

New.

So it's been for a few months already aku finally dapat kerja tempat lain.. 
TBH it was a dificult year for me..
Aku drastically quit my previous job dekat Bangsar South atas sebab dan alasan yang tertentu.. Lol
So it was a dark time for me.. 
Aku kena reject dengan orang, lepas tu kena reject kerja lagi.. Haha 
So aku rasa macam aku dah takda arah masa tu.. 
Lost gila babas punya..
Tapi still aku try very hard to get a job..
Pula tu susah nak cari kerja...
Yela dengan ekonomi yang tak berapa nak helpful..
So bermula lah episode hitam aku selama 6 bulan tak berkerja..
6 bulan aku lost hope.. 
Aku hampir give up..
Every night aku susah hati sebab hutang dah keliling pinggang ni..

Orang yang aku harapkan untuk ada dengan aku pun tak nak dengan aku masa tu..
So aku fikir mungkin sebab aku ni jobless and hopeless takkan la nak dengan aku kan.
So better jangan kawan dia haha..
But I'm okay now..
Aku ada kawan kawan baik dengan aku masa tu..
Even my ex yang YIP pun always give me heads up..
Seriously aku serabut gila masa tu..
Kereta pun hampir kena tarik..
Ughh
 But now aku bersyukur aku dah lalui semua tu..
And I'm gonna focus on myself..
Even family aku, kawan aku pun suruh aku focus on myself to be better..
Macam tu la lebih kurang..

Aku tak nak lagi berada dalam situasi macam tu lagi..
Aku tak suka rasa useless, hopeless, rejection, feeling sad all the time and aku kurus..
From 85KG aku turun ke 74KG!!
Tapi now dah senang hati balik dah jadi 83KG balik hehe...
 Tapi tu lah.. Kalau aku tak rasa semua kat atas tu aku maybe tak sedar sedar lagi..
Apa yang aku kena utamakan, apa yang aku kena ubah and all lah kan..

So to those feeling down, kena reject, rasa hopeless..
Don't give up.. Just keep trying.. 
You'll never know what tomorrow could happen.
At the end of the day, you only could depend on yourself.
No one understands how you feel inside..
Keep it to yourself and move forward..
If you could through your hardship, your hard day or even your bad day..
You could through anything in your life..
There are a lot more things will happen to you..
Today's hardest thing will be easier tomorrow for you.
Because life teaches you..
And you learned from it..
Every
Fucking
Single
Day


 

One Hundred!

Wow..
Finally I reached the 100 post.
And today gonna be last weekend for Raya month.
I hope everyone had a blast.
I also hope I will get what I need.. You and a career growth..

So..
Semalam Nia datang from Terengganu..
I've met Nia long time ago kat rumah kawan Syuk..
Nia ialah kawan Syuk juga..
Lepas tu kitorang berkawan since then..
Jumpa masa tu je..
Pastu lamaa like few years after baru jumpa semula..
Tapi masa tu aku macam tak sihat sangat and jumpa Nia pun kejap je..
Then semalam jumpa sekali lagi..
Nia tolong kitorang masak laksam sebab memang tetamu kena masak kat rumah kitorang..
Lol..

 
Hari ni member member sekolah aku datang beraya kat rumah..
Dorang tak bawa makanan pun so aku la kena masak..
As usual.. Aku masak spaghetti..
Bolognese bukan prego okayyy..
Aku guna recipe aku sendiri buat bolognese tu..
So yang tadi datang Afzan, Sue, Raje, Megat, Jenny, Pieqa, Afiq, Tigha, and Zul
Hopefully jiran jiran tak marah sebab dorang ni kecoh gila..


Emm..
Rasanya lepas ni tak nak buat post name as number la..
Dah kena tukar kot rasanya..

Ini laksam yg dimasak chef Nia chef of the day on that day

Nia datang sebab nak tengok Salem je sebenarnya..
Masak tu macam 2nd reason why she's here..Haha

From left to right: Syuk, Zul, Piqa, Me and Salem, Jenny, Raje and Noah, Megat, Afiq & Tighaa

Afzan macam tertelan mic..
Sue suka berangan cantik dengan pakaian ala ala ikut trend..

P/s: awak yg tak sempat rasa bolognese saya sila lah claim lepas ni ye. Masak sama sama.. Acewahhh
 

NinetyNine.

I'm not sure why all song I played like mocking me..
It's not really a good time for me..
Everything I do lead to nothing that I want..
It's frustrating to think you don't even care.
Sorry is not the word that I'm looking for cuz you did nothing wrong..
You might see me smiling but I'm dead inside..
I know life goes on and you have your own life now..
It'll take forever for me to let you go..
Every time it's you I'm coming back to...

NinetyEight.

And then after a long wait for 14 years..
We've finally watched The Incredibles 2..
It was so fun!!
The action, the drama acewahh..
And how they figured out Jack Jack's powers..
It's just sooooo great!!
Sama macam Ocean's 8!
Both are great movie.. 
Thanks Aiman for the Ocean's 8 and duit raya and the dinner and the ride to the movie and home..
 

So what I've learn from that movie? 
Emm...
Dia macam ni..
Korang pernah tak rasa rimas or bosan dengan cara orang layan korang?
Tapi sebenarnya orang yang buat korang macam tu dia ambil berat pasal kita.
Macam parents kita..
Dia membebel, marah, nasihat, dan buat memacam yang kita tak suka..
Tapi actually itu untuk kebaikan kita sendiri..
Dan kita tak tau apa yang dorang dah berkorban untuk kita.

And that's apply to you too Monster..
You cared so much about me back then but I didn't see it..
I took you for granted and casted you away...
And the funny thing is now I wanna do the same to you if you let me.
I wanna take care of you like how you did to me..
Sounds cliche but this time I won't repeat the same mistakes..
If you ever give me another chance...


Annnnddd today adik sedara aku tunang..

From OU TO AU..
Lol.. We had our lunch/ dinner at OU
And then we went to AU2 for the movie..
Pergi OU semata nak makan je. ahahaha

NinetySeven.

Okay so today I went for an interview and it went kinda well..
But I don't really like it's environment over there and the guy doesn't seem to like me either..
Lol
Moving forward, on my way home..
As usual, I went crazy because there's a heartbroken song on the radio...
Then I talked to Siri which she's not helping at all...
I told her that I'm heartbroken and she just replied "Aww I'm sorry" and that's all...

Then I asked Siri if she could help me..
And she showed me what kind of thing she could help me with..
And I said to her "Call XXX"
ANDDDDD SHE CALLED THAT PERSON..
I didn't know that she could catch that name because usually, she couldn't...
So the phone called that person and I hung up the phone before the line connected to that person line.
I thought my call didn't reach the other party's phone and I forget about it..

So I reach home and talked to Salem and told her about my day..
Salem seems interested with my story and replies meow for a few times lol...
Then suddenly my phone got a text... From that person..
You know what is the first word came out? Lol
It's "Yaww"
Like yaww what? 

I didn't text that person for a few days now (2 days lol)..
Because I wanna believe that I'm in a phase and it's only temporary that I want us to be together...
But it's really killing me slowly...
Everything seems not right.
So if you read this please know that I still want you back in my life.
Very bad...
Very very very bad...
Monster
 

 This is our Salem.
Isn't she's pretty?
I miss her everytime I went out and I can't wait to go back home and call her name.